I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
