I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
