I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
