ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
