I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
