I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
