Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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