So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
