No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
