Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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