my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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