How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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