if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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