Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize