party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize