And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
