I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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