just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
