i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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