Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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