My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
