somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just gargled with NyQuil
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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