Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I am midnight drunk by noon
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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