The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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