youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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