I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Randomize
