it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we made out on top of his cat.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
