I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
