Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
