That's when you crack a 10am beer
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize