dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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