This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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