Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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