Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just found puke in my bra..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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