Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
