I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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