Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
