We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
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