sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
