this boner is exhausting
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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