can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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