I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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