I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
