He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
