please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
