well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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