It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize