hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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