i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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