My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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