Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
