He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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