ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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