mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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