She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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