if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
