we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
