There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
