shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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