Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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