jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
