wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
