i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
