yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
