First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
