I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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