Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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