you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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