): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
