I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
