Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
