ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
