I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Randomize
