So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
